From the Strict-Gender-Norms-Hurt-Everyone Department:

DEAR ABBY: I have a most embarrassing problem. My job requires me to make public appearances, and often I am "dressed to the nines." I admit, for dramatic purposes, I sometimes apply too much makeup. I have always been told I am beautiful, and I have even done some modeling.
Here's the dilemma: People think I am a man. Once I was cornered at a festival by an angry group of people who had been fired up by one drunkard's insistence that I was a drag queen. (Abby, I have children and I am definitely female.)

The first few times it happened, I tried to brush it off and regain my composure -- once I stopped crying. But lately, it is getting ridiculous. I am mistaken for a cross-dresser even when I wear very little makeup. At 5-foot-7 and 120 pounds, I'm hardly manly. A week doesn't go by without this happening.

My boyfriend says I should blow it off -- that people are jealous. My self-confidence is in the cellar and I'm at my wit's end. I have struggled with severe depression my whole life, and this isn't helping. A lot of the time I'd like to cower somewhere, but my job won't let me. Help! -- CRYING IN PHOENIX



- posted by k @ 12:38 PM

 
Jon Carroll in Big Sur ...

It was early in the trip, and rainy, and we went for desultory hikes. It has not been, as you may have noticed, a banner year for good news. Our government seems intent on spreading fear. Religious wingnuts press in on all sides. Sometimes it seems as if getting up is a bad idea.

And it seems hard to argue with because every day brings fresh outrages. So I stood there on a bluff and watched the Pacific hiss and tumble below me, and the spindrift spray from the waves, and the seagulls catch the thermals from the cliffs, and gradually I began to feel an unexpected optimism.

You know the story: Bishop Berkeley proposed that all objects in space and time are but illusions, and Dr. Johnson, outraged by such patent nonsense, kicked a rock with his toe and said, "Thus do I refute it."

So in the face of the onslaught of headlines and op-eds and talking heads, I offer in rebuttal the stolid, soaring coastline of Big Sur: Thus do I refute it.

Thank God for Jon Carroll.

- posted by k @ 1:37 PM

 
You know, one thing that can make reading other people's blogs frustrating is that often there is no way to find out any basic information about them--e.g. where they live, how old they are, how they happen to know the people you know, if they're single--besides reading their entire archived blog and making tenuous inferences.

On the other hand, that's probably why blogging is such a happy medium for me....

Speaking of anonymity, if you are someone who reads my blog on any kind of regular basis and you haven't left a comment, you're just being rude. And creepy. :-p
- posted by k @ 3:16 PM

 
Friday Five
(I reckon since I begged Adam to let me join the club, I probably should post some answers)
Friday 2/6/04 from Ray:
My wife sits and reads all the time, and I used to as well. I've wondered why I don't anymore, and I think it's that since High School G/T classes, I haven't been forced to. I miss it. My question is, which books would you miss in my situation? More accurately, which 5 books have made the biggest impression on who you are, and why?

In chronological order:

1.Danny Dunn series: (Jay Williams and Raymond Abrashkin)The first sci-fi I read on my own. I have probably read about 10 of the 15 titles in the series; I think it's out of print now, so some of them are hard to find. The first one I read was "Danny Dunn:
Scientific Detective." I was in second grade, and at 200+ pages it was probably the longest book I had read to
date, and set me firmly on a course toward geekdom. Much later I realized that Danny and Joe(?) were Archie and
Jughead knock-offs...but hey, cool! And fortunately Irene was neither Betty nor Veronica, though Betty really
wasn't that bad, except for being blonde.

2. Chronicles of Narnia (C.S. Lewis): My introduction to fantasy; paved the way for me to read Tolkein later. Also firstsparked my interest in world-construction, especially "The Magician's Nephew." Much later learned it was
Christain allegory...but hey, it could be worse.

3. The Little Prince (Antoine de St.-Exupery): Received as a gift in 4th grade; didn't really know what to make of it. Re-read many times; could probably quote chapters at you. Depending on how long I've known you, I probably have already. Anyway, realized as an adult that it was, well, not allegorical, but certainly symbolic to some extent. Enjoyed re-reads as an older person more than as a kid. So actually, a great gift since it grew with me or I grew around it, or something.

4. Please Understand Me (David Keirsey): My introduction to personality psychology, and more importantly the first time I found out that I wasn't just a total freak--I had a rarely-occurring personality type (though in additon I am a partial freak :-) ) After a CC counselor MBTI-ed me, I looked up the book in the library (summer school 98 in Cambridge), then later bought it, then bought PUM II (though I loaned it to someone who may have lost it, but I lost her Webmastering book, so it's fair). Found out later that MBTI is like stone-age personality psychology, but you know, I think it can be a handy tool for acknowleding differences every once in a while.

5. Phantoms in the Mind (V.S. Ramachandran): First adult brain book I read; for MCB 61 2nd semester of my first year here at UCB. Convinced me that I had picked the right major.

Top Runners up: Slaughter-House Five (Kurt Vonnegut): only book that's made me both laugh and cry out loud. possibly the only book that's made me cry.
No Pity : People with Disabilities Forging a New Civil Rights Movement (Joseph P. Shapiro): really helped me understand the disability rights movement and the challenges--legal, political, philosophical as well as quotidian--faced by people with disabilities).
About 20 more runners up, but many of them fit more in the "mental furniture" category than "books that shaped my life" category. In no order, with no reasons: The Satanic Verses, Midnight's Children, One Hundred Years of Solitude, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Moby Dick, Lizard Music, Borgel, Anne of Green Gables series, Siddharta, Call it Courage, Robot Visions, and so on.
Other F5 participants are: Melissa, Adam, Merideth, Will, Gina, Gord, Adrienne, Marvin, Rob, Laura, Jon, Ritu, Julie, Morgaine, Rik, Fionna, Ray, Roganda and Mojave Sixty-Six.



- posted by k @ 2:06 AM

 
In time for Valentine's Day, here is a relationship story that happens to be sweet, touching, important, not smarmy, and--true! If you have ever seen a documentary or read a book about lesbians/gays in the twentieth century, you probably know who Del and Phyllis are. My deepest heartfelt congratulations to them. Mazel Tov, ladies!

From PlanetOut.com:
Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin
Among the most beloved figures in the lesbian community, Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon got married in San Francisco on February 12, 2004. A couple since 1953, they first earned a spot in queer history by founding the first national lesbian organization, the Daughters of Bilitis.
From its modest beginnings with eight members in 1955, the Daughters of Bilitis grew into a major force, helping lesbians meet outside of bars, documenting their lives, and promoting civil rights.

Perhaps even more significant, the organization published "The Ladder," a national newsletter for lesbians. Phyllis, as editor, assumed an alias for the first three issues before coming out in print with her real name.

D.O.B. soon opened chapters in a dozen U.S. cities -- and even Melbourne, Australia. Its first national convention, in San Francisco in 1960, was well attended, despite unwanted publicity.

Today, Martin and Lyon are involved in issues such as social security, Medicare and social justice for older Americans. Both were appointed delegates to the 1995 White House Conference on Aging.

The San Francisco-based Lyon-Martin Women's Health Services Center, which they co-founded in 1979, recently overcame financial woes and continues to serve the needs of lesbians and other women.

The city of San Francisco honored Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon when it issued them the first-ever government-sanctioned marriage license in 2004. City Supervisor Mabel Teng presided over the closed-door ceremony. The two women also guaranteed themselves another battle, as the licenses were issued in the midst of a national debate over same-sex marriage. Here's wishing them many happy anniversaries.


- posted by k @ 10:09 AM

 
This goes with Monday's post.

- posted by k @ 2:06 PM

 
This is cool. Thanks to SB for the link:
Hey Ya, Charlie Brown

(Update: I think the link above on longer works because sadly, legal action was taken against the artists. Too bad, because it was a work of craftsmanship. If anyone happens to have downloaded it before it disappeared and wants to upload it to his/her FTP server and send me a link, I'll put up a working link.)

Reminds me a little of The Grey Album.
- posted by k @ 1:28 PM

 
Why are there tuna ads on my blog? I don't care about albacore, even if it is sashimi-grade.
- posted by k @ 5:42 PM

 
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. The rest of my life (for now) is a year. In that time I am going to finish my thesis and get a research-ish job related to my intended field. The first step is to start my thesis. No, wait, the first step is to excavate my desk so I can start my thesis. I just have to keep my eyes on the prize and put one foot in front of the other and any number of other cliches. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...
- posted by k @ 3:33 PM