omg! my blog finally made it onto "Fresh Blogs!" That's the first time ever. I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with it. I wonder how many blogs are actually updated every minute, since most of the time I guess they are just taking a random sample of ten? But anyway I knew my odds were much better now because they had dropped to fewer than 10/minute, so "Fresh Blogs" was from the last 2 minutes.

So I have been wondering if maybe my biceps are TOO big now. I didn't think that was possible! But looking in the mirror lately, and when I saw my reflection closing the window just now, I have to wonder. I was upset when I first heard of pilates as a way to "get toned without getting bulky" (People magazine or something: Madonna and Angelina Jolie's new exercise routine or some crap like that). I thought "Why wouldn't you want to get too bulky? That's just internalized sexism. I think a woman with definition and muscles is HOT (within reason; I am *so not into* bodybuilders). " But then here I find myself. Am I worried about looking too manly? They're certainly not disproportionate. hmmm...something to think about. (my triceps on the other hand--maybe I'm doing something wrong at the gym because they're as flabby as ever).

More thoughts later......if you can call these thoughts
- posted by k @ 11:45 PM

 
So here's something I've been thinking about; staying up at night thinking about, even. What about dark chocolate in French croissants? Not the coffee-shop ones you get here, though I'm sure those aren't bad if you're into that; I mean the really simple, elegant ones you get mainly in France for breakfast, that are true works of craftsmanship. I mean, I specified that my vendetta was against chocolate chips to differentiate baked goods containing them from e.g. brownies and chocolate cake which are both entirely GOOD in my book. I guess I'll have to amend my vendetta to be against whole pieces of chocolate (i.e. non-pulverized chocolate) in baked goods, though I must say that those croissants are a classy item and I would not scoff at you if you chose to eat them.
- posted by k @ 11:34 PM

 
Friday evening:
The oldies station is playing all the Beatles' albums (every track; even instrumentals from the "Hard Days' Night" soundtrack) in chronological order all weekend. How cool is that! I'm trying to tape them off the radio (ghetto! old school! but I prefer "good old-fashioned Yankee ingenuity") but I'm taking a break because I got tired of listening and pausing at commercials and stuff. I'm trying to focus on just enjoying what I hear and not trying to capture it all on tape. Plus I've only seen volumes 1-6 (of 8) of the Beatles Anthology videos, so I'd like to get a better sense of their "artistic arc" thus I'm really glad they're in chronological order.

There are so many Beatles songs I've never heard; I'm kind of glad that I won't be able to hear them all this weekend. It's a pleasure to hear Beatles songs I've never heard before, and one that I'd like to save some of for later in life. Then, once I have heard all the Beatles songs that exist several times over, I can still enjoy thI think I look forward to introducing my [hypothetical possible] child to the canon a little bit at a
time and thereby vicariously enjoy the novelty and besides that I think it'll be fun to watch. Of course the ungrateful philistine bastard will prefer 2020's version of Britney Spears.

Two friends of mine from high school, brothers, were hard-core, die-hard Star Wars fan. They would sometimes

debate the order in which they would expose their brood to the Star Wars movie: order they came out (IV, V, VI,

I, II, II and VII, VIII, IX(?) ) or story-chronological order (I, II, III, IV, ...IX). I think they decided one

order for the first child, the other for the second. The elder one has graduated from UIUC with a degree in

architecture and an almost-minor in Religious Studies; I think he wants to be able to work from home so as to

participate in the child-rearing/-raising, whatever. He bakes great cookies. The younger one went to the Naval

Academy and let's see--he must be a Midshipman First Class now, meaning he's a senior. Meaning this May he'll

graduate and be shipped off somewhere, possibly somewhere dangerous. I don't know if he's planning to stay Navy

or go Marines. Please don't go Marine and get yourself blown up, Mike. He's so gung-ho he'll probably become a

S.E.A.L. or Force Recon or something.

A guy I looked up to in hs, who was a senior when I was a freshman, went to the Naval Academy and then went

Marine. I haven't heard from/of him in years. Last I heard I think he was in flight school or something? I

hope he's ok. I guess I would have heard if something happened to him. It would have been in the Daily Gazette

and my mom would have seen it and told me; or somebody would have told her and she'd have told me.

I guess I should look those guys up and write to them also write to my buddy Jason who's in the Navy (ROTC so

he's an officer, too) and stationed in Japan and whose email address I already have. I don't agree with what the

military is being used for today, but those guys are still my friends and probably living under unpleasant

conditions right now and might appreciate a letter. They may have lost friends and/or classmates, and they might

be worried about where they'll be sent next.
------------------------------------------------

Shifting topics abruptly, I have to say that in any medium I admire craftsmanship. In fact it is a primary

criterion for me in my assignment of value to an undertaking. Not only craftsmanship which relates mostly to

skill, but also effort and thought: that is to say even though the end result may seem "effortless," on

consideration one should be able to see that effort was applied and that you know, someone put some thought into

it and tried to really do or say something.

Having said that, a reader may find me rather hypocritical. Well, this blog is not a site of craftsmanship.

Nope. Nor does it intend to be. There may be other blogs for that; perhaps some of them even written by me.

No, these are just random thoughts I'm siphoning off. Just brain over-spillage. Not even random sentences. No

attempt at organization, thematic structure, or even good use of vocabulary. None of it. And you know what?

That's OK. (a la Stuart Smalley).

I don't think this is a backlash; that is to say, I don't think I'm under so much pressure to produce complete

organized thoughts that I need a place to just spew, but rather I think I'm allowing myself the luxury. Yeah,

that's a good way of putting it. Not necessity, but indulgence.
- posted by k @ 12:39 AM

 
A poem for Veterans' Day:

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned out backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame, all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!--An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin,
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs
Bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

-Wilfred Owen, 1921
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I do think that vets get a bum deal and that despite the G.I. Bill they don't get nearly the benefits they deserve for giving up part or all of their bodies, minds and/or spirits to what they think is a good cause. Also, I think it's true that many of our servicemembers had few other opportunities for travel, leadership opportunites, or possibly even employment; thus it could be seen as a form of indentured servitude with the chance of death.
- posted by k @ 6:36 PM

 
The guy who usually panhandles(well, actually he sells Street Spirit, which is not entirely the same) outside Blockbuster was gone today. His crate was still there. Was he arrested? Did he go to a shelter or find a warm corner somewhere to sleep? Is he pandhandling on another corner somewhere?
Last time we were there I told him to keep warm; it was a cold night. My gf said that was like teasing him since there wasn't much he could do about it. I said that I had said it was my way of saying that I cared about him as a person because I would say the same thing to a friend. I think she had a point, though. But I wanted to say something! Plus I think I may have partly meant it like "don't stay up all night panhandling; find a warm corner or a shelter somewhere and hunker down there." One time I told him (or was it another guy on the same corner?) that the church on Dana and Durant gave free breakfasts, because I had passed by that happening once or twice. He said "Thanks, but that's just on Tuesdays." I felt better knowing that he knew about those, but worse b/c it was only on Tuesdays.
- posted by k @ 11:21 PM

 
So I'm sitting here listening to what must be the MOST GERMAN recording of "The Threepenny Opera" EVER. Nothing is swung; when I first heard "Mack the Knife" I thought "Wait a minute...that song sounds vaguely familiar...what is it?" and it took me until the end of the song to figure out. I've heard a jazzier version of the "Cannon Song" played by the Canadian Brass. I would really like a more cabaret-esque recording if anyone would like to buy/send/make me one.
I got in the mood to listen to this today because I watched Mostly Martha, a German movie which is kind of like Big Night meets Silas Marner with a dash of "romantic comedy" thrown in. Started out really strong, but became formulaic and slightly improbably by the end. Great cineamatography, though. And the soundtrack had some really interesting selections (one of which led me to dig out what Weill I have) but also some super-crappy elevator music.
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I want to see Rome. And Paris and maybe London and Florence and--what the heck!--Berlin. The roots that had begun to bind me here to the Bay Area have suddenly been dissolved by a long-misplaced wanderlust. Or maybe it's just the winter. But apart from equatorial escapes, I think winter may be unavoidable. (On the other hand, I've never seen it South of the Equator: do their days get longer? I can't remember).
- posted by k @ 7:04 PM

 
So I was at the gym the other day and I accidentally (physically) bumped into this girl--the same girl--twice! And one time I had bumped into her butt, so I was really embarrassed. It was even worse because at the gym I look pretty stereotypically gay: I don't wear clingy spandex like a lot of the other girls, I have short hair, for some reason my arms look pretty muscular ( :-) ) and I decided that I get too sweaty working out to care if anyone sees my pit hair, so I wear tank tops (sure, I trim it sometimes, but you can still see it). So anyway, then I was like "omg! I hope she doesn't think I'm doing some weird lesbian pick up/grope thing!"
----------------
Today it's raining hard for the first time this year. Last winter was kind of a let down in terms of rain; in fact I think a drought was even threatened. The first rain of this winter was a week ago, on Halloween or the day after. For a couple of weeks before that we had such hot summery weather that I'm sure everyone was hoping the weather would cool down and maybe rain; then Thursday or Friday the temperature turned on a dime as it is wont to do around here and it was chily and rainy as if to say "Careful what you wish for!" I didn't mind too much; most of the clothes I have that I look good in are better suited to cooler weather (sweaters etc.).
I need to buy an umbrella, though. I think I'll get a nice one this time. I'd like to have a long one like Juliana had, and use it as a walking stick and feel charmingly pompous and British, but I carry too much stuff around anyway, so I should get a "compactable" model that I can stick into the pocket of something--maybe of my cargo pants (jk). Harder to find thoughtful or lovely compactable umbrellas. Oh well, I'll just see what they have across the street from me; form over function for now. I mean, if I'm stooping so far as to wear shoes to stay warm and dry, what's an unstylish umbrella? Plus, black is always *elegant* -simple- classic. And it'll go with my peacoat.
- posted by k @ 5:56 PM

 
Look everyone, it's fall! (yes, I know the equinox was a long time ago. Get off my back :-) )

Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89). Poems. 1918.

31. Spring and Fall


to a young child


MÁRGARÉT, áre you gríeving
Over Goldengrove unleaving?
Leáves, líke the things of man, you
With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
Áh! ás the heart grows older 5
It will come to such sights colder
By and by, nor spare a sigh
Though worlds of wanwood leafmeal lie;
And yet you wíll weep and know why.
Now no matter, child, the name: 10
Sórrow’s spríngs áre the same.
Nor mouth had, no nor mind, expressed
What heart heard of, ghost guessed:
It ís the blight man was born for,
It is Margaret you mourn for. 15


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47. To Autumn


1.

SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss’d cottage-trees, 5
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease, 10
For Summer has o’er-brimm’d their clammy cells.

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The other two stanzas of the Keats didn't speak to me, so I have omitted them. Because I can, that's why!
- posted by k @ 11:07 AM

 
Hi Everyone. Okay, I am trying this for the 3rd time. The first two times everything disappeared and didn't show up when I hit "Post&Publish".
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At last! My own blog, my chance to semi-anonymously vent my spleen on the unsuspecting world. Will I use my new-found powers for good or evil? You decide.
My first victim: Chocolate chips in baked goods other than cookies. Verdict: GUILTY of crimes against the gustatory arts. Chocolate chip scones? BAD! Chocolate chip muffins? BAD! Chocolate chip pancakes (even though they're not baked)? Very, very BAD!

On the other hand, I think dried fruits and nuts are acceptable just about anywhere.
- posted by k @ 12:31 PM