The Weather and Everyone's Health

The Weather and Everyone's Health

Thursday, November 29, 2007

School sucks. Let's go to the movies! (aka Holiday Movie Preview Guide Thing)

Juno Unexpectedly pregnant, a young woman makes unusual choices for her baby. December 5 Depending on who wrote it, maybe. I had to find out Bateman and Michael Cera were in it to lift it into the maybe category.

Atonement In 1935 England, a girl's accusation has lasting impact on the lives of two lovers and their families. December 7 Um, probably not. But I hope Roger Ebert will tell me what the accusation was. Depending on what it was I might change my mind.

The Golden Compass A young girl tries to rescue her kidnapped friend and prevent a war with the help of a magical device and talking polar bears. December 7 Maybe--after I read the book (which I now have a borrowed copy of).

Grace Is Gone A father takes his young daughters on a road trip to delay telling them that their mother has been killed in Iraq.December 7 Awww, and it's John Cusack too. NO.

The Perfect Holiday A single mom dates a man who doesn't want her to know that he's a department store Santa. December 12 omg, NO

The Kite Runner A man returns to Afghanistan after fleeing as a boy in the 1970s. Based on the bestselling novel.December 14 I heard this was a great book. NO.

Alvin and the Chipmunks Chipmunks Alvin, Simon, and Theodore are adopted by Dave Seville and form a successful singing group.December 14 omg, wtf, NO. Can someone say "Garfield movie"?

I Am Legend After a virus wipes out the entire population, the last man on Earth must find a way to survive.December 14 No. Oryx&Crake meets 28 Days Later? Nope, no thanks.

Youth Without Youth A man struck by lightning suddenly gets younger and more brilliant, using these gifts to understand the origin of language. December 14 Is that man Robin Williams? Because if yes, then my answer is NO.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets Treasure hunter Ben Gates returns to investigate the conspiracy that's been hiding the truth about Lincoln's assassination. December 21 Ha, ha, ha, NO.

P.S. I Love You A man leaves behind a series of letters to ensure his young widow enjoys her life after he dies. December 21 Awwww. NO.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street Shaving and vengeance converge in this film adaptation of the iconic Stephen Sondheim musical. December 21 YES! Even though, damn Tim Burton will probably make me want to vomit halfway through, still YES.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story A fictional rock legend wades his way through drugs, women, and every musical genre imaginable. December 21 YES! Let me pencil this in for the 28th.

Charlie Wilson's War A Congressman, a socialite, and a CIA agent help fund the covert war against the Soviet Union in Afghanistan. December 25 What? Is this a farce, a romance or a spy movie? But in any case, no, no, and maybe--no.

Aliens vs. Predator - Requiem The Alien-Predator war continues on Earth and a small town is caught in the middle. December 25 Even though it sounds like a heartwarming Christmas tale (actually, BECAUSE it sounds like a heartwarming holiday tale) NO.

Persepolis Black-and-white animation depicts the true story of a girl coming of age in Iran during the Islamic Revolution. December 25 Oooh, I didn't know they were making this into a movie. It was a good book. Hmm, maybe.

The Bucket List Two terminally-ill men set out to complete a list of tasks before they "kick the bucket." December 25 Awww, how sweet. NO. (They didn't mention that one of the men is Jack Nicholson, which doesn't change my answer)

The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep A boy discovers a strange egg that hatches and grows into the Loch Ness Monster. December 25 I think I have already seen this entire movie in previews. And even if I hadn't..NOOO!

The Great Debaters Denzel Washington directs and stars in the true story of an inspirational professor. December 25 Awww, it's like Akelah and the Dangerous Freedom Writers. NO. (though I wouldn't mind seeing Akelah)

There Will Be Blood In the early 1900s, an oil prospector strikes it rich and will do whatever it takes to keep his fortune. December 26 That sounds boring and violent. No, thank you! Holiday boredom and violence should be homemade, not produced in a shiny Hollywood studio.

Cassandra's Dream Two London brothers commit a crime and the resulting guilt pits them against each other. December 28 Aww, how sweet! No!

The Orphanage A woman's attempt to reopen her abandoned childhood home is interrupted by terrifying discoveries. December 28 Sounds a little too saccharine for me. I'll say NO.

My god, that was a tremendous waste of time.

- posted by k @ 2:03 PM